I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize