Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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