omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
