32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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