Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize