Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
