I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize