Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
