I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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