He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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