I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
