im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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