After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
