She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
