Sober January is a disaster.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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