The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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