The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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