what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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