How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
