A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize