I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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