Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize