i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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