**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
