Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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