We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
