I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
