it wasn't lemon gatorade
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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