So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
