Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Floor bacon is actually really good
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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