Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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