You can't special order awesome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The air taste purple.
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