i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this boner is exhausting
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
