rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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