you guys were way drunker than both of me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
