her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
