And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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