You work out of a Hotel?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
