i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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