I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
