i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
