Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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