i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
