i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
