Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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