weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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