I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
