the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Randomize
