i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
