i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
