I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
