He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
