fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
