Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
