Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
