Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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