Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
