i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
