Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
