Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
