You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
