Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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