My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
