i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
