she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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