She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
